Picasso

Legend has it that Pablo Picasso was sketching in the park when a woman approached him.

"It's you Picasso, the great artist! Oh, you must sketch my portrait! I insist."

So Picasso agreed to sketch her. After studying her for a moment, he used a single pencil stroke to create her portrait. He handed the women his work of art.

"It's perfect!" she gushed. "You managed to capture my essence with one stroke, in one moment. Thank you! How much do I owe you?"

"Five thousand dollars," the artist replied.

"B-b-but, what? the woman sputtered. How could you want so much money for this picture? It only took you a second to draw it!"

To which Picasso responded, "Madame, it took me my entire life."

Babies With Rabies

El Perro Del Mar - God Knows
I'm totally in LOVE with this song, and I think you will be, too. The video, though, is so evocative, with its very 70s-European-children's-book vibe.

Badly Drawn Boy - Year Of The Rat
Along the same lines, except this video is more mid-80s-French-children's-book. I was always so-so about this song, but the video really makes it shine. (Also, it's notably better than the thematically identical video for Dave Matthew's "Everyday.")

Classic games recreated using household items and stop-motion. (This is many times cooler than it sounds.)

Sesame Street on How Crayons Are Made.

Peter Sellers effortlessly demonstrates roughly ten different British accents in about 45 seconds. (direct link to an mp3)

B+N is an interior decoration company that apparently focuses on trendy boutiques. Their site actually has some pretty cool stuff on it, but none as cool as their Iconic Panels, which are giant wall-mountable laminate panels. It goes without saying that I love Carnaby most of all but I could live with Versailles as well...though in some other color than "I like to kiss other boys" baby blue. NOTE: After clicking all over their site and downloading a pdf, you find out that this stuff costs $600-$1000 per panel, which seems reasonable for what it is, I guess, but a bit out of the price range of human beings.

Ringborg, Mueck, and Hammett

Lovisa Ringborg
I like Lovisa Ringborg's work so much that I'm posting it here even though her site uses that totally tacky "right-click disable" javascript. Normally I wouldn't want to give someone like that the publicity, you know?

Some of my favorites:
Disguised
Embracing The Tyrannus (sic)
No Title
Sleepwalker
No Title (my favorite)
No Title (NSFW)
No Title (No, wait, this one's my favorite)
Alice And The Goldfish
Wonderland
Untitled


Ron Mueck
Sculptor Ron Mueck is currently being featured at the National Galleries of Scotland. Here's some more information about him, as well as some freeeeeeeaky pictures. (somewhat NSFW: artistic nudity and some graphic childbirth images)

Washington Post gallery
National Gallery Of Scotland gallery
Creative Pool gallery
Russian gallery
James Cohan gallery
Guardian article, alternately illuminating and infuriating.


Dashiell Hammett
Black Lizard, the "vintage crime" imprint of Random House, has republised some classic Dashiell Hammett books with some very attractive covers:

The Thin Man
Red Harvest
The Maltese Falcon

Superman Returns review

Superman Returns
a review based on a dream of going to see it

Superman Returns, the newest entry in the long-running Man Of Steel franchise, proves to be one of the oddest films in Bryan Singer's distinctive career. The movie begins in total darkness, and using audio clues only, the audience must decipher the following information: Superman and Jimmy Olsen are hanging out with their scientist girlfriends on a dock on Lake Michigan, when Swamp Thing surfaces near them. Swamp Thing has the ability to emit human pheromones, and the two girls (both played by Erika Christensen) become very aroused, and plead with their boyfriends to let them have sex with Swamp Thing. However, Superman rescues them by grabbing them and flying away, I would guess.

After the rather spartan opening credits, we're whisked back to Clark Kent's teenage years, which take place in an idyllic Smallville curiously similiar to the Austria of The Sound Of Music, except that all the farms are connected by an intricate network of waterslides. The Kents are visiting family friends, who have twin three-year olds. Clark's told that one of the twins is "big." Big how? he asks, only to turn around and discover a twelve-foot tall proportional toddler in a British schoolboy outfit (Carson Kreesley). Clark, his mother, and the toddler begin to ride a waterslide and discuss the toddler's sister. It's here that Singer's script really shines:

MRS KENT: He's a big boy.
CLARK: A big one, all right.
MRS KENT: You should see his sister.
CLARK: She's bigger?
MRS KENT: Nope.
CLARK: She's smaller, like atom-sized?
MRS KENT: Nope.
CLARK: She's normal?
MRS KENT: No, she's...a photograph!

Flash forward to the present, where Superman has a terrific fight scene with Boba Fett, who uses a dynamic fighting style not seen in the Star Wars movies to bring the match to a draw. Superman, though, is preoccupied with remembering four bunsen burners which are heating a giant vat, somewhere far away.

After the fight, look for a cameo from me, as I sit in the produce section and write a rough draft of this review using a laptop and one of the advertising TVs mounted on the wall. (My initial complaint about the movie is that Lois Lane doesn't show up at all.) The film then shifts tones and becomes a stunning meditation on paternity, as I give my stepfather a ride home from the theater, and he gives me a $100 bill. Then I wake up.

Though not the spectacular film many "Supes" fans were waiting for, Superman Returns is a great, if puzzling, popcorn flick, and is highly recommended if you have a couple of hours to kill sleeping on the couch in your clothes, only to wake up after dark, confused and sweaty.

My grade: B

Superman Returns: (Action/Adventure) 2 hrs. 34 min. Rated PG-13 for some intense action violence and hallucinogenic imagery.

If You Could Read My Mind

On my list of Totally Embarrassing Songs That Completely Break My Heart, Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind" has always had a special place. None of the other songs on the list--Lionel Ritchie's "Stuck On You," Carole King's "So Far Away"--have the overachieving quality of Lightfoot's song.

On one hand, it's absolutely one of the most wretched examples of the worst period of contemporary music--the mid-70s faux-country AM radio hit--all high-school-literary-journal lyrics ("a ghost from a wishing well"?) and cloying string section.

But on the other hand, there's that completely heartbreaking chorus, when the singer tries to make sense of a dying relationship, using an almost Raymond Carver straightforwardness: " "I never thought I could act this way, and I've got to say that I just don't get it. I don't know where we went wrong, but the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back." (Note that the singer indicts himself for losing that lovin' feeling as much if not more than his partner.)

But...right, it was Gordon freakin' Lightfoot. So I was cheered to discover that Johnny Cash had covered the song on the last American album, out this week. Now I'm no Johnny Cash cultist--I knew dudes who CRIED when he passed away--and I don't think that his cover of something is automatically more authentic somehow; I still prefer the originals of "I See A Darkness" and "I'm On Fire." However, if I have to choose between Johnny Cash and Gordon Lightfoot, well...

However, I was completely unprepared for his cover of the song. It's still heartbreaking, I'll give him that...but not in the way that I meant up above. It's heartbreaking because it's the sound of a blind diabetic with only weeks left to live gasping through a last handful of songs.

Frankly, it's hard to listen to...and not because it's bad. If anything, it's a weird reversal on the so-bad-it's-good genre: it's so good it's bad. It's tough to hear Cash sing it. A lot of people think that "Hurt" is the ultimate memorial, but Cash seems out of place in the fussily art-directed (and embarrassingly literal) video of the hipster cover. "If You Could Read My Mind" seems like a much more fitting tribute to him; it's a song reminiscent of his decades in the Nashville pap industry, but sung with the intensity of of an old man raging against the dark.

Eastern Bloc

Check out these amazing movie posters done in the style of medieval Russian illuminated texts.

As far as anyone can tell, the movies are:

1. a Russian film starring Mickey-Mouse rip-off, Russian Olympic Mascot, and "sovok" icon, Cheburashka.
2. Terminator
3. The Matrix
4. Lord Of The Rings
5. Another Cheburashka film, this one starring his friend Crocodile Gena.
6. Spiderman
7. Star Wars
8. Harry Potter
9. Firewall, maybe?
10. No idea.
11. Fahrenheit 451
12. Anaconda 2: The Search For The Blood Orchid. (LOL!)
13. War Of The Worlds.

BUT...

Even better than those are these truly awesome (and totally real) Polish posters for movies from the early 80s. I'd point out some of my favorites, but really this whole page is amazing.

Adam Green's "Emily"

Maybe you guys know Adam Green as half of The Moldy Peaches, or maybe you know him as "that guy who did that song about Jessica Simpson just before she became a super-star."

Anyway, he has a newish album out, with a great single called "Emily."

Please watch this video for Adam Green's "Emily."

(Much smaller, but much clearer, version here.)

Okay, listen: this video is GENIUS. It so perfectly captures the vibe of roughly 1981, but not in any sort of obvious or retro way, so that it ends up triggering a memory of our childhoods, but in a way we can't...quite...put our...fingers on. You know?

Some obvious touchstones for the video include late-early-career Billy Joel (post-Captain Jack, pre-Uptown Girl), Joe Jackson, Taco, Graham Parker, footage of an Alice Cooper performance, and the video for the Steve Miller song "Abracadabra". I'm sure we could think of about fifty more. Oh, and some video we only saw once on, like, USA's Night Flight that we rememebered because it had a pre-Letterman Paul Schaefer on piano.

I really can't say enough about how awesome that video is! Some of the best parts include: the feathers, the white gloves, the harpsichord, the bust of Julius Caesar, the completely bare stage lit starkly from above, Adam Green's outfit, and that absolutely perfect fish bowl.

But the most amazing thing about it is how insanely perfectly it captures the early 80s version of "elegance." I'm surprised there was a chrome ball or one of those amber infinity mirrors.

I'm not exactly used to being positive about stuff here on MFN, and I can't quite articulate what is so great about it, how the director (Roman Coppola) just totally replicates a vibe THAT I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD EXISTED until I saw his re-creation of it. Does that make sense?

(Also highly recommended: Nat King Cole and Baby's Gonna Die Tonight.)

"The name of the story will be Time, but you must not pronounce its name."

Who Is Brandon Hardesty?
Who is Brandon Hardesty? Well, he does a good Christopher Walken, a great Jack Nicholson, and a killer Wallace Shawn. But you guys are probably most interested in his version of this.

Also:
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
The Breakfast Club
Home Alone (sorta)
Monty Python And The Holy Grail
Planes, Trains, And Automobiles
Uncle Buck
Harvey

Also: mustard!
I guess having a pickle phobia is pretty weird. But what's really weird is how Maury Povich treats someone with a pickle phobia. Dude, WTF?

No Chuck Barris, either.
Hey, look! It's just like The Gong Show! Except Japanese! And the judges are wearing ridiculous wigs! And instead of a gong...
(The Ichiro impression is actually pretty funny. And that lady judge is cute...!)

'Cause having piles of paper just on your desk just isn't enough...
Great demo of a 3D graphical desktop, the BumpTop.
Try not to be distracted by the way the dude says "lassoo".
(If that video is too dry, there's always the rap version.)

Also:
Don't miss this AWESOME Lily Allen video. * You do not remember me. * Real punks. * The Entertainment Ceramics * Tango, the 1982 Oscar-winning animated short * 3-Year-Old's Birthday Party Theme: 'NewsHour' * Got 20,000+ plus friends on MySpace?

Music Video Round-Up

The new Arctic Monkeys video is pretty great:

http://videoteque.blogspot.com/2006/04/arctic-monkeys-view-from-afternoon.html

(Did you know that the Arctic Monkeys was just one guy? And that one guy is Josh Hartnett?)

*

But if you only watch one of these videos, watch Carpark North's profound and unsettling "Human." Go here:

http://www.carparknorth.dk/index2.html

Click MEDIA, then HUMAN. Fuckin' Flash.

*

The New Pornographers' "Sing Me Spanish Techno" is really good, too. It goes from pitiful to upsetting to ridiculous and hilarious.

http://videoteque.blogspot.com/2006/04/new-pornographers-sing-me-spanish.html

Okay, who is that bartender? That's gotta be a cameo.

*

Speaking of, the video for Neko Case's "Maybe Sparrow" features a creepy hand-drawn story of a dead bird. Unfortunately, fuckin' Flash has a shitty video player that makes the music just slightly out-of-sync with the images.

http://www.epitaph.com/videos/player/759

*

It's tough to do stop-motion in a music video without conjuring those praised-to-the-sky Tool videos from the our youth. I guess Wolf Parade pulls it off, though:

http://wolfparade.nonstuff.com/2006/03/26/modern-world-video/

My Baby Will Have No Father Now!

File under WTF
Read the last review of this margarita recipe.

Make 'Em Laugh, Make 'Em Laugh, Make 'Em Laugh!
Zach might be hiking the Appalachian trail, but this is my goal for the summer. (Anybody wanna give me a hand?)

Three Weeks
The Nonist fondly remembers Three Weeks, an every-three-weeks newspaper from New York. His blog points us to Brownejohns.org, where a transcribed archive of every paper is stored. Don't miss the wonderful weather reports.
(However, the more I look at this site, the more my Bullshit Detector starts twitching. I mean, obviously the paper actually existed, but the unbelievably improbable name Henry William Brownejohns and his mysterious disappearance just seem a little too twee to be real.)

Your Hair Was Long When We First Met
Regina Spektor's new single, Samson, is exquisite. Thankfully, it has the sort of focus that was missing on almost all of Soviet Kitsch, with the notable exception of "Us." Wait, why am I talking about this? Oh yeah...here's the video for Samson.
While we're on the subject, the video for "Us" is actually quite good, too, despite that curious outfit. ("Do you love jackets, but find that your elbows always get hot?") However, those close-ups on her mouth trigger my castration anxiety.
Oh, and here's a homemade video of the same song that's rather charming.

On A Horse Made Of Crystal
This video--a NSFW history of George Washington--falls apart just before the end, but the first 9/10ths are great.
Along the same lines, this video of a guy miming along to Natalie Imburglia's "Torn" is much funnier than it sounds.

Mencken's Creed
H. L. Mencken was a newspaperman renowned for his cynical style and wit. Here is his famous statement of belief, Mencken's Creed:
I believe that religion, generally speaking, has been a curse to mankind - that its modest and greatly overestimated services on the ethical side have been more than overcome by the damage it has done to clear and honest thinking.
I believe that no discovery of fact, however trivial, can be wholly useless to the race, and that no trumpeting of falsehood, however virtuous in intent, can be anything but vicious.
I believe that all government is evil, in that all government must necessarily make war upon liberty...
I believe that the evidence for immortality is no better than the evidence of witches, and deserves no more respect.
I believe in the complete freedom of thought and speech...
I believe in the capacity of man to conquer his world, and to find out what it is made of, and how it is run.
I believe in the reality of progress.
I -
But the whole thing, after all, may be put very simply. I believe that it is better to tell the truth than to lie. I believe that it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe that it is better to know than be ignorant.

Not Knowing When To Quit
Finally, don't miss Jonathon Lethem's memories of working in a record store. (thanks, Molly!)