Affluenza: January 21

Kate Spade "Taxi" gloves

Too cute, but totally out of stock.

   

Sagaform Wine Decanter with Oak Stopper 

Medal of Honor By:AMT

I guess medals are becoming a "thing," but I kinda sorta like these. No clue what look you'd pair them with, though.

An Open Flame Is The New Bowl Of Rocks

The Vauni Globe

Moscardino Sporks

At first I was all "High design sporks? Sure, why not?" But now that I look at them, it looks like if you want to use the fork part you have to stick your fingers in the dirty spoon part. Dumb! Jesus, how do you fuck up a spork?

Secret Throwing Star Magnets

Okay, I don't want to like these, but they're actually pretty awesome, right?

This week's "I couldn't agree more!" NotCot caption: 

"I really need to go to Siberia..."

Better Views by Elina Aalto

Oh my god, what a great idea! Too bad they're--gulp--$700 bucks! (For a shade that doesn't keep light out! Genius!)

Apple A Day poster

Clever way to use those pesky stickers to track your apple intake.

Hulger's P*Phone

I really like the "product lifecycle" of these phone handsets: some MIT dude made one as a goof, and then everyone wanted one so he signed a distribution deal with someone (UO, maybe?). But here's the thing: everyone who got one as a joke realized that they were so substantial that they were actually pretty useful and quite lovely to use, and now they're being sold pretty much just as an accessory. I know this: I'd love it if they worked with an iPhone.

An Affluenza "Adult-Sized Kids' Pajamas" Special Edition:

Jumpin' Jammerz

Pajama City

Pajamas Seen On TV

Did you get really excited when you opened these links? If you answered "yes," we are no longer friends.

Tree Stools by Courtney Skott

Shameless pandering to get listed on Affluenza's It's A Log You Idiots feature continues! Sorry Courtney, though these are cut and actually sort of clever, they are NOT logs...

It's A Log You Idiots

Woodoo

Lost & Found Furniture

...but these are.

Folderix 4GB USB Thumb drive

Trove bird wallpaper.

Gorgeous!

Omega's JFK watch reissue

The watch JFK wore to his inauguration has been reissued...for nine grand, of course, because the watch industry has literally no sense of reality. It's a beautiful watch, though, even if I am still pissed about him not wearing a hat that day.

(That's an urban legend, by the way: come on, dudes didn't stop wearing fedoras all of a sudden just because Kennedy didn't wear one to his inauguration. Hat wearage was already in steep decline by that time--which is why you don't see Don Draper lugging one around in season one. Besides, not only did Kennedy actually wear a hat at his inauguration, he wore a giant goofy top hat.)

Rintala Eggertssons' Boxhome prototype

Man, that is really nice. I love the contrast between the interior and the exterior, and I'm really drawn to such a minimal space.

The Key To Success By Sebastian Frith

Colin Frith's nephew has designed a key chain so clever that I might actually consider carrying it. That wrench section blows my mind...it's so obvious, why haven't we seen this before?

Pick Of The Week: Douche Cards

Okay, "douche" as a vocabulary staple is incredibly played-out, but these understated cards just completely crack me up.

A Modest Proposal for the Publishing Industry

This week the New York Times ran a surprisingly hilarious op-ed proposing a literary bailout.

The Diluted Mystery of Absinthe

The NY TIMES calls bullshit on absinthe.

If absinthe were a band, it would be Interpol, third-hand piffle masquerading as transgressive pop culture. If absinthe were sneakers, it would be a pair of laceless Chuck Taylors designed by John Varvatos for Converse. If it were facial hair, it would be the soul patch. If absinthe were a finish on kitchen and bath fixtures, it would be brushed nickel.

Wait, what? Slow down...

Now let's add some laser effects to these sound drops.

Affluenza: November 26

Jean Paul Gaultier's Tiger Jacquard Dress

Tiger? More like "Aztec Frog Anatomy," amirite?

I wonder what kind of table someone who wore this dress would have in their living room...

Skeleton Coffee Table

Ah, yes.

Rainman Carafe

Don't miss Lydia's comment, either.

MYDNA bookcases

Waveform Series

These are so cool. I can't find the link now, but Shimizu also made a pair of wedding bands that features the waveform of the bride and groom saying "I do."

 Maybe it's time for a new Affluenza series: Conceptual Art I Actually Like.

Sharon Montrose's Animal Portraits

Affordable!

Grecian Goddess in Black

Looks like something Steamboy would wear.

Soviet Mayan Playing Cards

Weird, this ish has featured both Aztecs AND Mayans...

Toolbar Buttons

Don't tell anyone, but this is what I'm getting the designers at the agency for Christmas...

5kg Doorstop

This is pretty neat, but I'm really only featuring this because of the adorable Order button. It's Perfect, it says, then when you roll over it, the button changes to I'll Take It.

Affluenza: November 14

Case Dining And Coffee Table

Finally, a solution for all those times you need to transport your coffee table with you.

Ceramic Votive Holders

Molly sends us this encouraging news that two Affluenza features may thankfully be coming to an end: these ugly, stupid ceramic holders feature both Open Flames and a fake Log, and has been marked down more than half price recently.

It's A Log, You Idiots: Wood Yoyo

I think I saw those two designers selling used VHS tapes at the flea market a few weeks ago.

Greyhound Tour Tunic

There's a website called "Mod Cloth" and it only features women's clothes? Lame.

My Pet Octopus Bracelet

If you knew someone who was really into anime that featured tentacle love, this would be a pretty awesome gift.

Prada Brown Floral Lace And Leather Flap Baguette

Awesome. I can't believe I've never taken pictures of my Donald J. Pliner shoes that feature this same leather effect. Someone remind me to do that...they are, no lie, my absolute prized possessions. That, and my integrity.

How to make that perfect knot!

What the hell. First of all, that knot is needlessly fussy looking. There are few things less rewarding than looking like you're trying too hard with your scarf. Second of all, fifty bucks to anyone who can actually decipher these directions.

I'm mostly only posting this so I can link again to this simple scarf tutorial, which features all the scarf styling you'll ever need to know in this life. 

In my own daily scarf-wearing, I usually go with the style known as Wrap It Around A Few Times And Then Mess With It All Day In Aggravation.

The gift every adult will want.

Mom! Moooooooooooooooom!!!!

The George Hotel, Hamburg

SUM Floral Femme Fatale Wallpaper in Black

Casques Ruby Belvedere

Affluenza recommends the red.

BURNETT laptop bag - Antique Silver

Whoa. Gorgeous...and don't miss the liner.

Gruppo Treesse Golden Bathtub

A golden bathtub, y'all.

Surreal Minimalism by David Pompa

The problem with any Internet-based criticism is that you don't want to be that guy just yelling "Fail" at everything. But seriously, nothing else needs to be said about these fiascos. Ahem: FAIL.

Toaster Concept: Darth Vader Toaster

Keep It Simple

The Keep Calm people have spent the last couple of years trying to build on the popularity of their Keep Calm And Carry On posters, but all of their other designs either fall flat or are just plain ugly. This Keep It Simple poster is the only work of theirs that I think even comes close to interesting. Pity about the $56...

Pick Of The Week: Phantom Clothes, Price Unknown

In an earlier Affluenza, I talked about how "price available upon request" is usually just a synonym for "get fucked." However, The New York Times recently investigated the phenomenon, and uncovered a truth that surprised even me: "price available upon request" often means "we don't actually make this."

Babies Ruthless

A Grammar Note:

The plural of Attorney General is Attorneys General.
The plural of court martial is courts martial.
The plural of Whopper Junior is Whoppers Junior.

Affluenza: November 6

The Boogie Man Rug puts monsters under your kid's bed:

http://www.roadsidescholar.com/2008/10/23/boogie-man-rug-by-jellio/

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MOMA is doing a couple of interesting things with bananas. First is
the Banana Bunker, which protects your banana from being squished in
transit:

http://www.momastore.org/museum/moma/ProductDisplay_Banana%20Bunker_10451_10001_55441_-1_11628_11628_null__

Though, as others have pointed out, it doesn't protect your banana so
much as transform it into dildo.

(Also, is banana squishage that significant of a problem? So much so
that the Museum Of Modern Art had to tackle it?)

Next is the Banana Stopper:

http://www.momastore.org/museum/moma/ProductDisplay_Banana%20Stopper_10451_10001_16586_-1_11548_11598____77769

Ha ha! It's a real-world representation of those cartoon banana peels!
You know, those banana peels that were always getting wedged under
doors and holding them open!

I love the Germanic product explanation: "Slide the banana peel under
the door to hold it open and amuse those who enter." Ha ha! Thanks,
Mr. Spock!

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The Pramulator:

http://www.bentfabrication.com/pram.html#

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The Bar At Connaught:

http://www.weheartstuff.co.uk/?p=382

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A riddle: is it still a Target lamp if it's two hunny AND isn't
actually sold at Target?

http://www.target.com/Forest-Table-Lamp-Silver-Black/dp/B000LWIFEA/

Another lamp I like is the Atlas:

http://www.themodernspot.com/Modern-Lighting/detail.asp?Product_Group_ID=adso_3365-22

Also available as a floor lamp.

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Typotheque pocket calendar:

http://www.typotheque.com/books/pocket_calendar_sketchbook_2009

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Gus Modern takes on the It's A Log You Idiots idiots with their really
quite lovely side table:

http://design-milk.com/timber-table/

Bravo!

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Finally:

http://www.typetees.com/product/1466/Now_Panic_and_Freak_Out

We need Barack

Tumbrel Remarks

From an article by Christopher Hitchens. The rest of the article's pretty dull--shocking, I know--but this part was pretty neat:

I like to consider myself an expert on what writer Joyce Cary once called "tumbrel remarks." A tumbrel remark is an unguarded comment by an uncontrollably rich person, of such crass insensitivity that it makes the workers and peasants think of lampposts and guillotines. I can give you a few for flavor. The late queen mother, being driven in a Rolls-Royce through a stricken district of Manchester, England, said as she winced at the view, "I see no point at all in being poor." The Duke of St. Albans once told an interviewer that an ancestor of his had lost about 50 million pounds in a foolish speculation in South African goldfields, adding after a pause, "That was a lot of money in those days." The Duke of Devonshire, having been criticized in the London Times, announced in an annoyed and plaintive tone that he would no longer have the newspaper "in any of my houses."

See what I mean? It's easier for some reason to imagine this in the tones of the English upper class, though you do get examples of it in American accents as well. A Bostonian donor to my old college at Oxford was named Coolidge, and when I asked him if he was related to the president of the same name, he acted offended, and said: "Why, no. I believe he was one of the working Coolidges." Barbara Bush, acting the gracious hostess to refugees from New Orleans after the ravages of Hurricane Katrina, managed to say that since many of them were underprivileged, life in a Texas sports stadium was "working very well for them." One sees what she was perhaps attempting to say.