Affluenza: March 19

Okay, don't get too excited. I know this digital replica of the classic Rolleiflex camera is heart-stoppingly beautiful and shockingly affordable:

http://theonlinephotographer.typepad.com/the_online_photographer/2008/03/new-rolleiflex.html

but read the article again after you've calmed down a little: it's a MINIATURE replica...it's three inches high. Basically, this is a glorified keychain.

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The Kengsington "Pram":

http://www.luxist.com/2008/03/15/kengsington-pram/

For another thirty-three hundred, you could probably buy a kid to put in it.

From the same site, this insane solid mahogany rocking horse:

http://www.luxist.com/2008/03/18/dressage-rocking-horse/

and this (ugly) high chair:

http://www.luxist.com/2008/03/19/leopard-print-highchair/

I bet you guys are super-pissed that there's a website called Luxist and I've never linked to it before, huh? Well, nothing says "high-end luxury" like "owned and operated by America Online"!

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ZUse (sic), a toaster concept that will finally bring my dream of Galaga toast to life:

http://www.inseq.net/zuse.html

Though I have a feeling Inseq Design would deny to their dying breath that this is anything as vulgar as a toaster. "It's an activator for the digitalization process of toast! It transcends the dominant toast paradigm!"

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When I first heard of these Chalkboard Napkin Rings, I rolled my eyes. But seeing them in action, I have to say they look cute and clever.

http://www.momastore.org/museum/moma/ProductDisplay_Chalkboard%20Napkin%20Rings_10451_10001_47169

Sixty-five bones, but your mother would like to point out that you could buy wooden napkin rings and chalkboard paint for like seven bucks.

(Is there a creepier phrase than "workshops for the physically challenged in Germany"? Arbeit macht frei!)

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Janine Golbert Jewelry:

http://www.roadsidescholar.com/2008/03/14/janine-golbert-jewelry/

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Dutch designer Nienke Sybrandy has taken ASCII art to a whole 'nother level:

http://www.nsybrandy.nl/html/ZTmV07Gordijnen.html

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With a name like "Letters Of Marque," Affluenza is pretty much guaranteed to feature whatever it is. Oh, it's a lingerie line inspired by the 17th century? Even better!

http://www.lettersofmarque.com/ [Obviously I trust my readers will know that the website of a lingerie company is NSFW.]

I like a lot of these pieces, actually. Most fancy underwear is so pretentious, and the majority of it looks like something a chubby girl would buy for her dire burlesque routine. These have an understated elegance I really dig, though.

The kicker, of course, is that Letters Of Marque is designed by Stacey Dash, known for:

-being the sister of Damon Dash
-her role in Clueless
-being the only person in this world who may prompt me to utter the utterly vulgar phrase "MILF."

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I like both the idea and the design of the Still Life, a space-saving wall-mounted fruit storage solution:

http://www.impactlab.com/2008/03/12/off-the-wall-fruit/

"Fruit should be stored in single layers, so keeping it in crispers or fruit bowls isn't the best alternative, unless the fruit is turned regularly. [...] Also, did you know that it's important to store fruit and vegetables separately?"

So let me get this straight: not only do you bust my balls because I don't get my fruit at Whole Foods or some dingy farmer's market, but now you're gonna tell me what to do when I get it home? Foodies!