"Lori, I will never stop this."

[Today I thought I'd mix things up a little and post a link to a New Yorker article. Heh.]

The so-called (and incorrectly-called) MySpace Suicide Hoax has been percolating in the news for a few months now, yet it hasn't quite burst through to the national consciousness. There are probably a lot of reasons for this--there's no ongoing court case to feed viewers' interest, for one--but I also think that the story is just so utterly heartbreaking, so unspeakably devastating, that it's hard to pay attention to it for long. We want to flinch and look away.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/01/21/080121fa_fact_collins?printable=true

I wish this article had been longer, and featured more original findings, but it's an admirable overview of the tragedy. I was even tempted to wait a few days before posting this, because if you haven't heard the story it will probably ruin your week. Sorry.

First Austen film tonight at 9 on PBS

Hey guys, this is just a quick reminder, if you care, that the first of the Austen adaptations airs tonight on PBS at 9. I *think* PBS shows start at the same time regardless of what time zone you're in, but maybe you should check your proverbial local listings.

At 8 is a kick-ass episode of Nature. I'm not sure what it's about, but that show always has, like, lions just totally destroying some prey animal's shit.

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Whenever I watch Masterpiece Theater, I always imagine that I've just walked into the study of my friend Diana Rigg (before that Alistair Cooke RIP dawg) and she's happy to see me because she has the most delightful film to show me. We watch the movie together, laughing at each other's clever bon mots and drinking hot tea with "biscuits" (cookies) and also I imagine that she doesn't think I'm a failure.

(I think this is actually a pretty common daydream for Masterpiece Theater's audience.)

So since this is the first night of their Austen marathon, I thought it would be fun to do this up wicked-style. Peep what I did:

I still had some New Year's money left over, so I called an modelling agency and had them send some headshots over. I found a lady who looked like a proper matriarch, so I hired her to come over and watch Persuasion with me.

Then I drew up a script of responses that she could follow (in a British accent, of course). The script is pretty long, but here are a few excerpts:

-"Oh, I say! How deliciously droll!"

-"Devishly clever, that."

-"Fancy another spot of tea? Six cubes, just as you like it."

-(after a character has bent over and I have made a farting noise with my mouth) "Playing for the Groundlings, are we?" (but also laughing)

-"Heavens, no, I do not think you a 'failuire!' Where ever did you get that idea? [listens] Well, they cannot be such good friends if they would say such things to you!"

-"Shh...there, there. Let it all out."

But then I started thinking about it and I realized that, you know, if I'm going to be paying some lady to come over and pretend to be Diana Rigg, it seemed sort of a waste to hire an old one instead of an Avengers one, all wearing a black catsuit right there on my couch.

The first agency refused to do it, and I lost my deposit, so I had to call another one this guy in my cab recommended. I got it all worked out and now this chick is coming over tonight. It's sort of a bummer, actually...turns out a young Diana Rigg is way more expensive.

I'm a little bummed, though, 'cause that was totally my idea for an About The Author photo...

Whoa...I'm dead serious here, the poster for the new Larry The Cable Guy movie is ten times better than it has any right to be:

http://www.moviesonline.ca/movienews_13797.html

It looks like the work of Gregory Crewdson, maybe, or some ice-cold German art collective doing a project about "America."

I would totally love to get a print of that photo, sans text...how awesome would that shot be, like, ten feet tall and hanging in a minimalist dining room?

I'm completely not kidding, I'm so in love with that photo it drives me crazy a little.

Affluenza: January 9

BeaYukMui presents the tuxedo t-shirt of cashmere sweater dresses:

http://www.welcomehuntersla.com/product_info.php?cPath=27_25&products_id=223beayukmui

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The Ping Pong Door flips down, creating a ping pong table between two rooms:

http://tobiasfraenzel.com/

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Check out the packaging for Coal gum (scroll down):

http://eternallycool.net/?p=965

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Colour Calendar 2008:

http://www.youworkforthem.com/product.php?sku=C0132

It would be fun to get this and change the color scheme of Baby Ruthless every day accordingly...

(Hint.)

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I love this Plaid Belted Picnic Dress by 3.1 Phillip Lim, and just think of the freaky moire patterns you'd make on security cameras!

http://www.ronherman.com/detail.aspx?ID=18040

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Philippe Starck's black crystal chandelier (71 large!) gets appropriated by...Home Depot.

http://purecontemporary.blogs.com/behind_the_curtains/2008/01/youve-done-it-m.html

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An Open Flame Is The New Bowl Of Rocks, part of a continuing series:

http://www.contemporist.com/2008/01/04/fire-furniture/

Honorable mention:

http://www.vauni.com/

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Oh BROTHER:

"The inside of the plate is printed with undeniable, provocative, bitter and indigestible sentences about hunger statistics in the world."

http://www.rafaelmorgan.com/2008/01/hunger-for-truth-plate.html

Students!

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Tiny city, made of ashes:

http://io9.com/327758/welcome-to-junk-city

io9, incidentally, is Gawker's new science fiction website. Of interest to a couple of you, I'm sure.

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The Fiona coat by Soia & Kyo:

http://www.soiakyo.com/shop/2008/shop.php?id=7&couleur=4

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Remember months ago when I featured that...thing that was a log in a metal sleeve with a handle? I think I might have to start featuring stupid products that are actually just a log, the way I highlight products that feature impractical open flames.

Two examples:

http://store.roseandradish.com/product-exec/product_id/672/nm/Roost_Log_Box

It's a hollowed-out log, you idiots!

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/60103750

Uh, Ikea, I still love you, BUT THAT IS A TWO BY FOUR.

I'll be taking suggestions for the name of the new feature. Please apply yourself...no "getting wood" puns, and no Ren & Stimpy "It's log" references.

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Design Milk has a nice wrap-up of red sideboards. I particularly like the Style Park one with the wave in it:

http://design-milk.com/current-obsession-more-red/

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I didn't know Tord Boontje did a wall panel for CB2. It's on sale this month, too:

http://www.cb2.com/family.aspx?c=587&f=2156&viewall=1

I *hate* the vertical symmetry, though.

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The Ellipse bookcase from La Maison Coloniale:

http://www.lamaisoncoloniale.com/index.php?id=23&backPID=23&tt_products_cat=11&L=6&tt_products=1957

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"Change the seating, change the room." Do you have a gorgeously book-lined minimal loft that you'd like to CHANGE into the common room of an Evergreen College's dormitory? The Mah-Jong Modular is for you!

http://purecontemporary.blogs.com/behind_the_curtains/2008/01/change-the-seat.html

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Intriguing yet utterly confusing wooden perpetual calendar:

http://www.mcachicagostore.org/main/item_detail.php?pid=230&cat=Stationery%20and%20Office

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The problem with futons, of course, is that they look like futons. Here's a nice one from PB Teen (!), though, that handily conquers this problem:

http://www.pbteen.com/products/p2980/index.cfm?pkey=ccolnew

I especially like the brown.

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Affluenza, definition of: a leather flyswatter that costs over a hundred dollars.

http://www.billamberg.com/pages/product/product.asp?prod=SB04

That explains why she never answered any of my letters...

No way! "The character of Mavis Beacon is not a real person, but rather a fictional character created to bring a personal touch to the tutorial. The original photo of Mavis Beacon was of a bankteller in Sherman Oaks, California, the city in which Software Toolworks had its offices. Former TV talkshow host Les Crane, who was then a partner in Software Toolworks, invented the name. Her first name is meant to evoke the concept of a maven. Her last name represents her role as a light to guide your way."

Northanger Abbey

This is the thread where I'll be posting notes as I read Northanger Abbey. Here is the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2008/01/northanger-abbey.html

Again, you can either bookmark it or subscribe to the post's RSS feed. Or, you know, just forget it and then the next time you see me, just pretend you totally read all my comments and you were blown away by how funny and insightful I am. Seriously, you guys, that's all I want. Love me!

Never Take Career Advice From A Professional Wrestler

I just changed the site's tag line...the previous one, Oh Mother Dear We're Not The Fortunate Ones was of course a quote from Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," which I had always found weirdly resonating.

While Googling the lyrics to the song to make sure I had the line just right, I discovered this Lauper bumper sticker:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Cyndi-Lauper-Fan-Bumper-Sticker_W0QQitemZ120199290751QQcmdZViewItem

"The cool thing about these stickers is that they are a private statement between you and another fan. Anyone that is not a fan simply has no clue what it stands for."

I like the idea of Cyndi Lauper fans being a silent cabal, making their presence known to each other through obscure symbols that function like the ichthys or Tristero's muted post-horn.

Space Of Suspense

Mark Khaisman: "I work on the light easel, applying translucent brown packing tape on clear Plexiglas panels, the layers built up to create degrees of opacity."

Okay, don't click on the link yet; just stop for a second and imagine how that would look. Visualize in your mind the absolutely best, most mind-blowing art that could come of that description.

Done?

Whatever you're imagining right now, I bet you a dollar it's not even close to as cool as this:

http://www.inliquid.com/artist/khaisman_mark/khaisman.php

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The BBC's 100 Things We Didn't Know Last Year

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2008/01/100_things_we_didnt_know_last_3.shtml

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A history of Granta magazine:

http://books.guardian.co.uk/interviews/story/0,,2233674,00.html

Buried in the article is news that the archives of the magazine will be online soon...

from Johnny's Big Book Of Hilarious Jokes (Scholastic)

Q: Did you see Conan's beard?
A: You mean Elizabeth Ann Powel!?

Affluenza: January 2

An Open Flame Is The New Bowl Of Rocks, part of a continuing series:

http://www.pid.se/en/lighting/for_candles/geniol_fireplace_edition_1448.html

Perfect for kids' rooms!

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Ikea's $35 bed:

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/70122215

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I like this bookcase OK, but I sorta wish it were just a real picture frame:

http://www.absolumentdesign.com/objets-design/etagere-design-decoration-louise.php

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Random, hilarious photobooth portraits of barnyard animals:

http://www.roadsidescholar.com/2007/12/31/kyley-hellhake-photography/

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Glänta, by Johan Carpner:

http://www.belowtheclouds.com/2008/01/01/glanta-lampa-av-johan-carpner/

My 2008 wish is that huge overhead lamps become a thing. (This one is a meter across!)

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Wanna see a gorgeous, mind-blowing wristwatch utterly destroyed by a logo?

http://technabob.com/blog/2007/12/30/seiko-discus-watch-let-the-spinning-wheels-spin/

I've never understood why we tolerate logos on watches (and wall clocks) when we'd NEVER allow a logo on an item of comparable price. This Seiko watch costs nine hundred bucks...can you imagine spending almost a grand on anything with a giant logo on it?

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The Reveal lamp projects the shadow of gently swaying tree limbs against your wall:

http://www.betterlivingthroughdesign.com/2008/01/reveal_lamp_by_adam_frank.html

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Plus Minus Zero's Aromatic Humidifier, designed by Naoto Fukusawa:

http://www.mollaspace.com/product_info.php/cPath/36/products_id/173

I've been seeing this for a couple of years now, and I'll admit it's gorgeous.

But...honestly, I'm not trying to be childish, I'm really not, but the design already looks sorta giggle-inducing, and then the idea of steam shooting out of the sphincter is just too much.

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A table featuring a 3D map of Baghdad. For some reason.

http://www.plushpod.com/products/Baghdad_Table-267-33.html

Forty large!

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I'm not kidding: THIS is how you sell a kitchen appliance to a dude. You make it look appealingly plain, like a piece of laboratory equipment from 1954, then you add a useless but too cool component to it. Like this sorta gorgeous and super-masculine (for once I mean that in a good way) blender that comes with a tachometer:

http://www.tabletools.com/tabletools/showdetl.cfm?Product_ID=3996#

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Chiasso's super-cute fruit holder:

http://www.chiasso.com/store/item.aspx?ItemId=53488&sale=1

Speaking of Chiasso, they have tons of stuff half off right now:

http://www.chiasso.com/store/sale.aspx

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Denis Darzacq's photographs of levitators:

http://denis.darzacq.revue.com/la_chute/index.html

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A solid oak coffee table with a cool magazine storage solution, all for under $160:

http://www.umbra.com/ustore/product/320320/c390/magtable_coffee_table.html

Oh, wait...I just realized that's $160 in loonies. Still, this is a great deal, and the table only kinda looks like a window shutter. I'm sure nobody will notice. No, really. It's fine.