At long last: "Stone Cold Jane Austen"

Reader, I finished it. I can now say that I've read all of Jane Austen's novels, a goal that has rather curiously sustained me these last few months.

I don't think of myself as a hero, but if I've inspired just one person with this undertaking, then it will have been worth it. To you, I say just keep believing in yourself and follow your dreams, and you too can achieve the impossible.

Here are links to the individual threads, with all of their typos and cheap jokes and clumsy insights:

The original announcement.
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
Mansfield Park
Emma
Sense And Sensibility

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Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go never read a book again for the rest of my life.

Sense And Sensibility

This is the thread where I'll be posting notes as I read Sense And Sensibility. Here's the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2008/03/sense-and-sensibility.html

As before, you can either bookmark it or subscribe to the post's RSS feed. If you'd like to read along and join the discussion, you'll find the reading schedule I'll be following in the first comment of this thread.

Emma

This is the thread where I'll be posting notes as I read Emma. Here's the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2008/01/emma.html

As before, you can either bookmark it or subscribe to the post's RSS feed. If you'd like to read along and join the discussion, you'll find the reading schedule I'll be following in the first comment of this thread.

Mansfield Park

This is the thread where I'll be posting notes as I read Mansfield Park. Here's the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2008/01/mansfield-park.html

As before, you can either bookmark it or subscribe to the post's RSS feed.

If you would like to read along, you'll find the reading schedule I'll be following in the first comment of this thread.

First Austen film tonight at 9 on PBS

Hey guys, this is just a quick reminder, if you care, that the first of the Austen adaptations airs tonight on PBS at 9. I *think* PBS shows start at the same time regardless of what time zone you're in, but maybe you should check your proverbial local listings.

At 8 is a kick-ass episode of Nature. I'm not sure what it's about, but that show always has, like, lions just totally destroying some prey animal's shit.

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Whenever I watch Masterpiece Theater, I always imagine that I've just walked into the study of my friend Diana Rigg (before that Alistair Cooke RIP dawg) and she's happy to see me because she has the most delightful film to show me. We watch the movie together, laughing at each other's clever bon mots and drinking hot tea with "biscuits" (cookies) and also I imagine that she doesn't think I'm a failure.

(I think this is actually a pretty common daydream for Masterpiece Theater's audience.)

So since this is the first night of their Austen marathon, I thought it would be fun to do this up wicked-style. Peep what I did:

I still had some New Year's money left over, so I called an modelling agency and had them send some headshots over. I found a lady who looked like a proper matriarch, so I hired her to come over and watch Persuasion with me.

Then I drew up a script of responses that she could follow (in a British accent, of course). The script is pretty long, but here are a few excerpts:

-"Oh, I say! How deliciously droll!"

-"Devishly clever, that."

-"Fancy another spot of tea? Six cubes, just as you like it."

-(after a character has bent over and I have made a farting noise with my mouth) "Playing for the Groundlings, are we?" (but also laughing)

-"Heavens, no, I do not think you a 'failuire!' Where ever did you get that idea? [listens] Well, they cannot be such good friends if they would say such things to you!"

-"Shh...there, there. Let it all out."

But then I started thinking about it and I realized that, you know, if I'm going to be paying some lady to come over and pretend to be Diana Rigg, it seemed sort of a waste to hire an old one instead of an Avengers one, all wearing a black catsuit right there on my couch.

The first agency refused to do it, and I lost my deposit, so I had to call another one this guy in my cab recommended. I got it all worked out and now this chick is coming over tonight. It's sort of a bummer, actually...turns out a young Diana Rigg is way more expensive.

Northanger Abbey

This is the thread where I'll be posting notes as I read Northanger Abbey. Here is the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2008/01/northanger-abbey.html

Again, you can either bookmark it or subscribe to the post's RSS feed. Or, you know, just forget it and then the next time you see me, just pretend you totally read all my comments and you were blown away by how funny and insightful I am. Seriously, you guys, that's all I want. Love me!

Persuasion

This is the thread where I'll be posting my thoughts while reading Persuasion, should any occur.

Here's the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2007/12/persuasion.html

Bookmark it or you can subscribe to the RSS feed of just this post (I think.) God forbid you miss a single syllable of Johnny's so-important thoughts.

Austen; Shitty Limits

Here's a fun idea that I'll inevitably abandon and end up feeling even worse about myself: starting January 13th, the retooled Masterpiece Theater is showing adaptations of all six Jane Austen novels, and I thought I'd read each novel in advance of the movie.

Here are the air-dates for the various adaptations:

January 13: Persuasion
January 20: Northanger Abbey
January 27: Mansfield Park
February 10 & 24: Pride And Prejudice
March 23: Emma
March 30 & April 6: Sense And Sensibility

This seems like a lot to read, but now that I've typed it out it doesn't actually seem like that much. I read Pride And Prejudice a couple of years ago, so I'm not going to re-read it this time around. That means I have to read three novels in a month, which doesn't sound like that much--except that this will be the busiest month of the year--and after that I have two and a half months to read another two novels. I think I can do it.

I'll post an entry about each book, and in the comments I'll post my trite and banal thoughts as I'm reading. If anyone else is reading along with me, we can have some sort of discussion about the book. (Sample discussion: "Leave me alone! I have to read all of Mansfield Park in one week!")

If you're interested, you can find texts of all the books at Project Gutenberg and Daily Lit. I respect your internet abilities enough to not coddle you with a hyperlink.

I guess this is a pretty annoying undertaking, but look on the bright side: most asshole bloggers would have named this The Jane Austen Project.