Thursday, March 27

Also, no minors allowed, regardless of rating...

So you've probably heard this already, but a bunch of developers are building luxury movie theaters that will feature recliners and sushi and oh yeah tickets that cost three times as much:

The theater chains seriously just Don't Get It, as the web-types would say. The problem with movie theaters isn't that the chairs don't recline or you can't get a cocktail, it's that the owners don't give two shits about the movie-going experience because they make their money off refreshments, not tickets. If you've already bought your popcorn, you and your movie can get fucked as far as they're concerned.

People don't Bittorrent movies because they're cheap or lazy--unlike pirated mp3s, there's a difference between a film in the theater and a film on your laptop--people steal movies because going to the theater just SUCKS. Whenever the death of the music industry is discussed, there are always more than a few who are willing to gleefully dance on its grave. Well, I'm the same way about the movie theater industry: they get everything they deserve.

But: would I pay $35 for a movie ticket? You bet I would. But not so I could eat samosas and drink appletinis...I'd pay that much if the theater would guarantee the following things:

-No pre-film commercials. I don't mean trailers, I mean the Movie Watcher's Network.

-After the film begins, no one else is allowed in. Sorry, time buy a watch.

-The film is displayed at the brightness the director intended, not the money-saving dimmer settings the bulbs are capable of, and at a volume that's reasonable but not excessive.

-All cell phone batteries confiscated at the door.

-The second someone begins to speak during the movie, an usher appears who walks him out of the theater, refunds his money, and takes a picture of him that goes on the Banned For Life wall.

Thirty-five bucks? Hell, I'd call that a BARGAIN.

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