Persuasion

This is the thread where I'll be posting my thoughts while reading Persuasion, should any occur.

Here's the permanent address of this post:

http://babyruthless.blogspot.com/2007/12/persuasion.html

Bookmark it or you can subscribe to the RSS feed of just this post (I think.) God forbid you miss a single syllable of Johnny's so-important thoughts.

A Black And Hooded Head

After the Pequod has killed its first whale, Captain Ahab retreats to his cabin "as if the sight of that dead body reminded him that Moby Dick was yet to be slain." However, after the crew has gone below deck for their dinner, Ahab approaches the decapitated head of the sperm whale and delivers a soliloquy alone on the deck:

Speak, thou vast and venerable head, which, though ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak, mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee. Of all divers, thou hast dived the deepest. That head upon which the upper sun now gleams, has moved amid this world's foundations. Where unrecorded names and navies rust, and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful water-land, there was thy most familiar home. Thou hast been where bell or diver never went; hast slept by many a sailor's side, where sleepless mothers would give their lives to lay them down. Thou saw'st the locked lovers when leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them. Thou saw'st the murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed on unharmed--while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms. O head! thou hast seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one syllable is thine!

Austen; Shitty Limits

Here's a fun idea that I'll inevitably abandon and end up feeling even worse about myself: starting January 13th, the retooled Masterpiece Theater is showing adaptations of all six Jane Austen novels, and I thought I'd read each novel in advance of the movie.

Here are the air-dates for the various adaptations:

January 13: Persuasion
January 20: Northanger Abbey
January 27: Mansfield Park
February 10 & 24: Pride And Prejudice
March 23: Emma
March 30 & April 6: Sense And Sensibility

This seems like a lot to read, but now that I've typed it out it doesn't actually seem like that much. I read Pride And Prejudice a couple of years ago, so I'm not going to re-read it this time around. That means I have to read three novels in a month, which doesn't sound like that much--except that this will be the busiest month of the year--and after that I have two and a half months to read another two novels. I think I can do it.

I'll post an entry about each book, and in the comments I'll post my trite and banal thoughts as I'm reading. If anyone else is reading along with me, we can have some sort of discussion about the book. (Sample discussion: "Leave me alone! I have to read all of Mansfield Park in one week!")

If you're interested, you can find texts of all the books at Project Gutenberg and Daily Lit. I respect your internet abilities enough to not coddle you with a hyperlink.

I guess this is a pretty annoying undertaking, but look on the bright side: most asshole bloggers would have named this The Jane Austen Project.

Netscape Theme

America Online, which is apparently still around, announced this week that they were discontinuing the Netscape browser, which was apparently still around.

But don't get too bummed out...you can download a Firefox theme that makes your browser look like Netscape 3 running on Windows 3.1. For some reason.

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/3471

A Big Deal

From the The Economist's article about the Poker industry:

"As he partied away the declining years of his career, Errol Flynn incurred some excruciating poker losses, including, on one particularly bad night, a Caribbean island he had hoped to develop into a holiday resort.

"John Wayne had some shockers too, though in one memorable game he won Lassie from the canine star's desperate owner."

Affluenza: December 26

A *Lucite* headboard:

http://www.thresholdbydesign.com/store_item.fsp?id=96947

WHOA.

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It's been so long since we've featured a Toaster Concept I sorta forgot we did that:

http://www.designboom.com/contest/view.php?%20contest_pk=16&item_pk=11744&p=1

RELATED...Resurrecting a Toaster Concept from the 40s, the Toast-O-Lator:

http://www.jitterbuzz.com/indtol.html

"The Aristocrat Of Toasters!" (Don't miss the hilarious in-depth warnings about how dangerous it is.)

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Pencil Shaving necklace in sterling silver:

http://www.victoriamason.com/homeSplash.htm

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The Prouvé Potence lamp:

http://hivemodern.com/products/?view=sub_product&sid=375&cid=5&cid2=31

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You guys know I hate "coffee humor" (HURF DURF I SHOULD INSTALL AN IV DRIP etc) but this mug is cute and relatively harmless:

http://charlesandmarie.com/lifestyle-gems/details/product/on-off-mug-1/

Smiley Face

The new Gregg Araki movie, written by Dylan Haggerty, is called Smiley Face. But when the script first started making the studio rounds, it was literally titled The Being John Malkovich Of All Pot-Smoking Stoner Movies.

In terms of unremarkable mediocrity rewarded by New Yorker articles, though, she's still no Jason Kottke...

I cannot BELIEVE there's ANOTHER Cat Power article in the most recent New Yorker.

By my count, this would be the third article in as many years about Ms. Marshall to appear in the magazine. There was previously a long, curiously non-negative, review of one of her terrible shows, and before that there was that profile that scarred many of us by running with a infamous picture of her coyly pulling down her low-rise jeans to show off her pubic hair. Gah...these days she claims she was a drunk back then, and I sincerely hope that's true.

For me, though, the final word about Cat Power came in this 2006 GQ article:

***
More than a few rock writers have called Marshall a drama queen. "For all the reverence Cat Power receives from disaffected art students" critic Michaelangelo Matos opined a few years back, "her posture as an artist whose soul is so fragile that it threatens to break in front of her audience may be the most purely showbiz conceit alt-rock has produced in years. Eat your heart out, Marilyn Manson."

Cynical? Maybe. But it's hard to believe that the way Marshall behaves in public isn't to some degree schtick. There are things about her story that don't add up. There's the Gap ad she did a couple years ago, and the fashion shows she's been spotted at [not to mention SHOWING HER VAGINA in The New Yorker. -Johnny], and the larger question of what would motivate someone so purportedly uncomfortable looking the world in the eye to pursue a career in which microphones, cameras, and large groups of strangers play such a key role. People who are really afraid of the water don't join the Navy.

Or as Patterson Hood, of Georgia's legendary Drive-By Truckers, put it in "Cat Power" a wry but affectionate tribute to Marshall:

"I don't mean to sound unsympathetic to your plight
But if you're really so shy
Why are you standing in the light?"

Godwin Marketing

Yes, Will Smith was horribly misquoted. And, yes, he has a valid opinion that I agree with.

http://www.digitaljournal.mobi/article/247933/OP_ED_Will_Smith_Suffers_The_Aftermath_Of_A_Reporters_Poison_Pen

But come on, Will: WHY DOES PROMOTING YOUR NEW MOVIE INVOLVE YOU TALKING ABOUT HILTER!?

They should send him back to Publicity 101:

PUBLICIST: So basically, one of the big rules is that you probably shouldn't mention Hitler.

WILL SMITH: Ha ha, got it. Don't mention Hitler unless you're making a point about moral relativism.

PUBLICIST: Actually, uh...yeah. We prefer you just don't talk about Hitler at all.

WILL SMITH: Not even if I'm trying to make a point about the seductions of evil, and how the road to hell is paved with good intentions?

PUBLICIST: Don't get me wrong...I hear ya. I really do. It's just that Hitler is sort of a big topic, and people tend to get a bit touchy.

WILL SMITH: But I'm not DEFENDING Hitler, I'm just...

PUBLICIST: Believe me, I know! But still...there's a time and a place for everything. And promoting a movie about vampire cancer patients probably isn't it.

WILL SMITH: Huh. Well...huh. Does this mean I also can't talk about how I think that Americans with low I.Q.s should be put on reservations?

Horrid Tragedy In Private Life

In 1847, William Makepeace Thackeray published a cartoon in Punch that was so inscrutable, a rival magazine offered a not-insignificant reward to anyone who could explain it:

http://crummy.com/2007/12/19/1

Somewhat surprisingly, the explanation turns out to actually be sort of amusing.

("Horrid Tragedy In Private Life" could be the title of a latter-day Morrissey track. Or, you know, a much better name for this blog.)

From the same website, an enormously entertaining look at a 1989 book of predictions for the year 2000:

http://crummy.com/writing/TheFuture/

It's so fascinating that (as the website points out) the cellular phone, the personal computer, and the Internet were all invented by 1989, but neither the authors nor the inventors were able to realize the extent to which these three things would revolutionize our lives by the year 2000 (a scant 11 years after 1989), rendering many of the inventions pointless. I guess this is sort of a trite observation, but it makes me wonder what technologies are out there right now that are going to have completely changed our lives by 2019. (I'm gonna go with Dippin' Dots.)

There's an Isaac Asimov essay on this very subject. He describes an issue of, I think, Popular Science from let's say 1880 that discussed various ways in which man would reach the moon. There was, you know, hot air balloon and giant cannon, all the usual suspects, but no mention of a thousands-year-old technology, the rocket. Then in the back of the magazine there IS an article about a "Rocket"...but it's the name of a racehorse.

(Wow. Typing that out just now made me realize that Asimov totally MADE THAT STORY UP.)

One of the predictions on the site is "The World's Smallest Weather Station," a device for amateur meteorologists that would monitor the weather and send the data to their home computer. By a totally weird coincidence, I was just today reading this in a 2005 New Yorker profile of Phillip Pullman:

"He's also an amateur meteorologist; in the back yard is a small weather station that sends readings on temperature, humidity, barometric pressure, wind velocity, and ultraviolet radiation into his laptop computer, via a wireless feed."

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2005/12/26/051226fa_fact?printable=true

Being really into monitoring the weather as a past-time seems like such a distinctly British hobby they should have an etching of Robbie Williams fiddling with a weather station on the back of the ten pound note.

The Warhol Diaries: January 28, 1978

When we left the Shivas, Bianca wanted to stop back at Halston's to pick something up. When we got there, there was a pretty boy in a fur coat standing outside, and when we walked in, there was Liza Minnelli talking to Halston. She wanted to know if she and Baryshnikov—it was him outside—could spend some time at his place. So we weren't supposed to see this. And Liza and Baryshnikov were taking so much cocaine, I didn't know they took so much, just shoveling it in, and it was so exciting to see two really famous people right there in front of you taking drugs, about to go make it with each other.

Bullshit, Jesus, Those Are Obviously My Footprints

Rachel Aviv summarizes the attribution war over the folk poem "Footprints":

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/journal/feature.html?id=180239

Somewhat related, Entertainment Weekly has a neat article about the history of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," and why there are two distinct versions:

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,1569872,00.html

Seasonal content!

Eh, it's still better than Catherine Zeta-Jones

That fucking T-Mobile commercial.

"Hoops or dangly?"
"Hoops."
"I like dangly."

Is that honestly what guys in commercials look like now? Unshaven and dewlapped, with greasy floppy hair? And wearing a baggy untucked shirt and I think shorts? He quite literally looks like he was woken up in the middle of the night during a camping trip to make this commercial.

It's actually a bit disconcerting: it's no secret that advertisers feature actors that represent not what their consumers are, but what they think they are or want to be. So this poses the question: is this what they think their customer's self-image is? A sour lumpen wreck who clearly hates his girlfriend and seems to think that if she buys a blue Blackberry it's the last one ever made and he'll never get one?

Son Of Winston

When Randolph Churchill had surgery for a benign tumor, Evelyn Waugh remarked that the surgeon had removed "the only part of him that was not malignant."

W

(an excerpt from John Lahr's short memoir about Harod Pinter)


While Karel Reisz and Harold Pinter were working on their screenplay, Pinter's silver Mercedes convertible was often parked outside our house.

Once, just before a work session, my wife and our four-year-old son, Chris, sat at Reisz's kitchen table with Pinter as he held forth in his commanding manner.

When Pinter left the room, Chris turned to us and asked, "Is he a policeman?"

"No," his mother said. "He's a very good writer."

"Can he make a 'W'?" Chris asked.

"Furthermore, they did not suggest that poor people be locked up in pens like animals..."

An actual correction currently running at The New Yorker's website:

"In his December 17th piece, 'None of the Above,' Malcolm Gladwell states that Richard Herrnstein and Charles Murray [...] proposed that Americans with low I.Q.s be "sequestered in a 'high-tech' version of an Indian reservation." In fact, Herrnstein and Murray deplored the prospect of such "custodialism" and recommended that steps be taken to avert it. We regret the error."

Alma

Junot Diaz, the author of The Brief Wondrous Life Of Oscar Wao, has a fun short-short in the latest New Yorker:

http://www.newyorker.com/fiction/features/2007/12/24/071224fi_fiction_diaz

Affluenza: December 19

Steve Jobs at home, 1982:

http://digitaljournalist.org/issue0712/y_walker08.html

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Sitscape...the couch so uncomfortable, it's haunted by GHOOOOOOSTS!

http://blueantstudio.blogspot.com/2007/12/sitscape.html

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Pluto memorial t-shirt:

http://www.mentalfloss.com/store/product.php?productid=16194&cat=103&page=1

(It would have been funnier if they'd done it like one of those "Heaven Got A New Angel, Dog" shirts you see on the bus.)

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Cool external hard-drive concept with a Mondrian visualization of the data on the drive:

http://www.student.tue.nl/h/b.j.j.v.d.vlist/groenebanaan/IVY.html

Man, reading that page makes me believe that the worst thing our culture does to artists is make them write about their work.

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Taiwan's "recycle" logo:

http://www.bubblejive.com/taiwans-brilliant-recycle-icon

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LEGO Ice Cube Tray:

http://shop.lego.com/Product/?p=EL502

(It's weird that they say you can use them to "build your own LEGO ice 'sculpture!'" because you actually can't: the bottom would freeze flat, and wouldn't be able to interlock with the tops.)

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Hinoki Tissue Box:

http://www.canoeonline.net/shop/index.php?id=796

Important Consumer News

So there's a new flavor of Icee out in the world, Dr Pepper. I finally found a place that was selling it last night, and promptly bought a large.

On first sip, my first thought was "This doesn't taste anything like Dr. Pepper." That's not necessarily a bad thing...Coca-Cola Icee is my favorite drink in the entire world--so much so that it will wash down the Cinnamon Life, Fried Potato Cakes, and Philly Cheese Steak I'll be served my last night on Death Row--but I'll admit that the taste is only approximate to cold flat Coca Cola.

On my second sip, I thought "This doesn't even taste like Dr. Pepper chewing gum!"

Then, on the third sip, I realized that it actually tasted really terrible. I couldn't quite put my finger on what exactly it was, but it wasn't anything I wanted to drink a slushy frozen version of.

I took another sip, determined to identify the awful taste. And then another and another. It was, if you'll pardon the pun, right on the tip of my tongue.

Finally, on my ninth tenative sip, I nailed it: Dr. Pepper Icee tastes like banana Now & Laters!

Yuck! OMG, what is *wrong* with the Icee people!? There are a million theories about what Dr. Pepper's secret ingredient is--from black cherry to hazelnut--but BANANA!?

I promptly found a trash can and put it out of my life forever. I'd had so little of it, the Icee was still up in the plastic dome.

Seriously, you guys, it's super-gross.

Talk about a baby ruthless...

The Extreme New York Childhood of Alex Goldberg:

http://nymag.com/news/features/41539/

Of COURSE, after the one adult in the entire story--and a 40-year-old DJ at that, not exactly a description that screams "maturity"--raises even the MILDEST suggestion that perhaps Alex needs to have a boundary or two, his mother immediately lashes out with the oh-so-classic "How dare he tell me how to raise my kid" blast, then suggests that the DJ is just jealous of Alex's life.

Unstun / Stun

-Ghost Furniture

-Creepy onesies that give your baby little angel wings.

-I spent the bulk of the sweet video for Gui Boratto's "Beautiful Life" hoping that it wouldn't turn ironic or jaded (like that otherwise-awesome episode of 30 Rock from last night), but it keeps up the gentle vibe even after the minor twist at the end.

-They made a video for Konichiwa Bitches!?

-Marimekko is coming to H&M. (What took so long?)

-Modern Kitchen Timers.

Finally, a way to make Wikipedia useful...

I don't ordinarily do things like this, but Molly's example cracked me up so here goes:

1. Go to the Wikipedia home page and click Random Article (on the side menu). That is your band's name.
2. Click random article again; that is your album name.
3. Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.


Band Name: Jesus Loves Me
Album: Eye Development

Tracks:
1. Locomotive Wheelslip
2. Sydney 38
3. Geelong Baptist Church
4. List Of English Words Of Sanskrit Origin
5. John Jones
6. USS Rescue
7. Timeline Of Quebec History
8. Galloway
9. Aiomun-Kondi
10. Atletico Nacional
11. Monosolenium
12. Don't Be Scared (a Daniel Johnston cover!)
13. Boyo
14. Chaiyaphum
15. Excuses For Travellers (bonus track; Mojave 3 cover)


Huh, I guess mine is an experimental Christian post-rock band. Would it seem like utter pandering if I invited you to post your own in the comments?

If You Knew Sushi

Nick Tosches examines the global sushi industry for Vanity Fair. This is a great read, and one that will stick with you next time you go out for sushi:

Cheaper sushi restaurants—I would say most sushi restaurants—rely on wasabi powder, which is mixed with water, or wasabi paste from a tube. "These are not really wasabi at all; they are mixtures of ordinary white horseradish, mustard powder, and artificial flavor and color." Or worse. One common commercial "wasabi" is concocted of horseradish, lactose, corn oil, sorbitol, salt, water, artificial flavoring, turmeric, xanthan gum, citric acid, FD&C Yellow No. 5, and FD&C Blue No. 1. If referring to wasabi as horseradish is like referring to horseradish as wasabi, referring to the artificially flavored, artificially colored gunk of today as wasabi is even more absurd.

and

America is addicted to sugar, but it seeks increasingly to veil its addiction. Power Bars. Sounds healthy. Main ingredient: fructose syrup. Almost 25 percent sugar. How about a nice, large Tazo Chai Frappuccino Blended Crème from Starbucks? Sounds healthy—I mean, after all, chai—and classy too: crème? Sugar content: 17 teaspoons.

A killer sugar addiction, a preoccupation with health, no matter how misguided, and pretensions, or delusions, of worldly sophistication. Sushi perfectly satisfies them all.

In a nation that never ate much fresh fish, it's interesting that eel sushi is so very popular. I mean, from fish sticks and Filet-o-Fish sandwiches to conger eels? "Mommy, Mommy, I want eels, I want eels." This can't be understood other than in light of the fact that the sauce, anago no tsume, used in confecting eel sushi is a syrupy reduction made with table sugar, sake, soy sauce, and the sweet wine called mirin, and that during this reduction caramelizing causes the browning sugar to grow in mass through the formation of fructose and glucose.

As for the other types of sushi, they are all made with rice to which both table sugar and sweet rice vinegar have been added. Gari, the pickled ginger served with sushi, is also made with rice vinegar and table sugar. If it's cobalt pink rather than pale rose in color, it has been treated with a chemical bath of dye and extra sweetening agents.

Cajun Sparkle

-Apparently you can buy a wooden crate full of 40 Ralph Lauren polos.

-Great article about the show Cavemen (no, really) and how fickle pop culture can be.

-Make your own Popeye's Cajun Sparkle. (Yes, "Cajun Sparkle" would have been a better name for this blog.)

-Karl Lagerfeld, having conquered the world of fashion, creates a...holiday log! One that comes in a mirrored box and ships with a little axe to cut it with! (I love the expression on that baker's face, because it's pretty much exactly the face I'd be making if Karl Lagerfeld were standing there in front of me: equal parts awe and trying-not-to-bust-a-gut.)

-This is a good time to repost this awesome New Yorker profile of Lagerfeld which achieves the seemingly contradictory goal of making the designer seem fascinating, admirable, and even sympathetic, as well as ten times crazier than we already suspected. Seriously, there's a pull-quote in every paragraph.

-An interview with the designer of the Sony PCM-D1, an utterly gorgeous field recorder.

-Made in ENGLAND by Gentlemen features a super-cute boy / girl sizing chart that you can print out and exchange with your boyfriend or girlfriend, so that he or she knows your sizes and preferences. (Don't miss the favicon, either...)

Do Not Put Child In Bag

Ah, man...Danger: Avoid Death would have been a MUCH BETTER name for this blog!

"She was working after hours and thought no one else was in the building. Then she heard someone say over the loudspeaker that she was going to die."

(Look at that URL...! "Odd Scary Karaoke" would have been a pretty good name, too. Rats.)

He Looks Like 5,405,056 Kroners

The weird, sad story of Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake just got one hell of a lot weirder.


This is the prime minister of Norway.

Comments

Seriously? You guys want comments that badly? Okay, I turned them on. Geesh.

In honor of Molly's new MacBook, an Affluenza re-post: Laptop Tattoos. Surprisingly, I like almost all of these, except this one and this one (yuck). I think this one is my favorite, though.

UPDATE: Apparently, since I last post about laptop tattoos, it's become a big business. My dreams of a paisley MacBook are one step closer to reality...

Affluenza: December 12

Giant, fully animated, Pac-Man Christmas Tree in downtown Madrid. Man, people in whatever country Madrid is in sure do love Pac-Man!


"Sneaker companies are offering shoes with yellowed soles and stains to denote a vintage, worn feel."


Ordinarily I detest clothing with logos, especially the logos of multinational corporations, but I might make an exception for this shirt.


Things That I Have Worn Around My Neck And Then Subsequently Eaten


What's more depressing: that this isn't a joke or that it's sold-out?


The ceramics of Megan Bogonovich.


I'm not too big on luxury watches...not because I'm not superficial (duh), just that I think they're too flashy and ostentatious and noveau riche to be truly stylish. Mostly I think there are way better things to spend that much money on. (I'll admit this probably betrays my middle-lower-middle-class upbringing.) Like a bespoke suit or hand-tooled shoes or that $250 version of Settlers none of you got me last Christmas. Having said THAT, though, I absolutely love this men's Chanel J12 watch, with a band made of white ceramic!

One
Two

Go here to see all the other watches in the J12 line, but be warned: all the rest are either ugly (the black ones) or gaudy (the gem-encrusted ones). Oh, and PS: if those first two links didn't work, go to the third link and find model #h0968 and #h1007.

Until further notice, though, the official watch of Affluenza is the Mondaine Swiss Railway Watch.


A clever gold brick doorstop. "The date inscribed on each bar refers to the day that women were finally admitted to the London Stock Exchange in 1973." Uh...okay. Whatever.


Seen in Esquire UK: El Casco Office Supplies. I want every single thing they sell. (In chrome, though...I'm not GREEDY.)


ALL HAIL KING COLLAR (Thanks Molly!)


Zuza Made prints. (nsfw) Be sure to click on each preview picture three times.


The Keep Calm And Carry On guy has a bunch of new products. They all suck, though.


The Raftman's Razor, a short film by Keith Bearden.


Robin Rosenthal's Poster For Kids.


Carter Hodgkin and J. Tarbell use computer codes to model collisions of subatomic particles with beautiful results.


Jackson Pollock


Bembo's Zoo


Texture Replacement Of Garments In Monocular Video Sequences


For some reason, Bloomingdale's is selling one of your grandmother's old chairs...


"This bad ass looking helmet will scare the crap out of any onlooker..."


The illustrations of Alberto Cerriteno


A neat behind-the-scenes look at what goes into a commercial composite shot. This won't blow you away, but it's an interesting peak at what goes into a magazine ad.


The (incredible!) stop-motion photography of Martin Klimas. (I especially like the kung-fu figurines.)


Finally, Jill Greeberg's portraits of monkeys, bears, crying toddlers, and more monkeys.

It wouldn't be make believe if you believed in me...

Only A Paper Moon, a charming vintage photo collection.

(My favorite. My other favorite.)

See also.

BB Shell

Oh my god you guys, this is so brilliant I can barely type this up:

An entire month of Mary Worth comic strips, filmed with all the weird blocking and poses intact.

So good! (Isn't it funny how old-fashioned that site seems, now that we live in the YouTube era? "You're embedding the video as a small QuickTime...? And you want to know how fast my connection is? Wha...?)

Library Porn

Curious Expeditions presents Librophiliac Love Letter: A Compendium of Beautiful Libraries

Esquire UK

A few quick notes about this issue of the UK edition of Esquire I bought at the airport the other day:

-There was an ad for an (ugly) luxury watch, which had a really cool feature: a life-size replica of the watch that was perforated, so you could tear it out and wrap it around your wrist and see what it looked like on your arm. It was a super-great idea: I immediately put it on and was like "it's not THAT ugly..." I was sorta tempted to tape it up and wear it around that day. "It's my new luxury watch! Jealous?"

-Apparently, the British slang for 'umbrella' is 'brolly.' Noted!

-This is the coolest part of the magazine, though. If you subscribe, the copy that comes to you through the mail is different from the one you get at the "chemist's" (cor!). The subscription version doesn't have any of the headlines, just the cover photograph and the logo. It looks very elegant, like ArtForum or early issues of Interview. What a great incentive to subscribe! I wonder if this is common in the UK...

50 Answers

The cartoonist at Stereotypist answers 50 readers' questions.

No, it wasn't from me, you cad...

Here's a cute Yahoo Answers question from a 12-year-old girl:

"Does anyone know some simple yet not obvious magic tricks I can do? Well, I'm doing magic now, because I've been inspired by Criss Angel. I think he's awesome. I know like almost 10 tricks, and I've learned those in 1 night. I'm really getting into magic! I'm 12 and I catch on quite easily. So kinda make it something I can understand, and do easily, without making it obvious for my audience. So far I've impressed my grandmother and my mom. I can do, 1. Disappearing toothpick 2. Coin through a bottle. and lots more!!! Please help!! I LOVE MAGIC!!"




And here's the inevitable and super-creepy first response: "give me your email address and ill send one to you"

The Force In The Flesh

Genuinely nutso Star Wars tattoos:

http://www.theforceintheflesh.com/topten/ (one of them is slightly NSFW)

Evel Knievel

Great profile of Evel Knievel, from 1972:

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1971/07/24/1971_07_24_022_TNY_CARDS_000303618?currentPage=1

I'm going to memorize his backstory spiel and deliver it when meeting strangers...

Who's With Me?

Okay you guys, here's the idea. First, we get 19 of these:

http://www.contemporist.com/2007/12/05/cork-flowerpot/


In four of them, we'll grow a bonsai tree.

In another four, we'll grow green wheatgrass.

And inside another four, we'll lean an artfully arrayed clutch of thin yellow bamboo stalks.

In three, we'll put in a zen rock garden.

Another three, we'll fill with small red pumice stones.

Finally, in one of them we'll grow a cactus.


AND THEN...

..we put them all together, and play *the most gorgeous game of Settlers Of Catan EVER*

Affluenza: December 5

Oh FUCK, you guys:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/milktard/2087552206/

It's by Soia & Kyo:

http://www.soiakyo.com

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The Selexyz Dominicanen bookstore in Maastricht, Netherlands, designed by Merkx + Girod, is housed in an 800-year-old church.

http://www.thecoolhunter.net/architecture/A-Book-Store-Made-in-Heaven/

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Pillow light:

http://www.kidsmodern.com/product/1000355/

(Dude's name is Oh Sehwan.)

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Bone socks:

http://anatomical.com/product.asp?pn=SS26AKLWH

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I love all of Kenneth Wingard's wall art:

http://www.wingardhome.com/wallart.html

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An Open Flame Is The New Bowl Of Rocks, part of a continuing series:

http://www.endavid.nl/index.php?en/product/73

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Modern Menorahs:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzz/Modern_Menorahs

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The illustrations of Eric Feng:

http://www.notcot.com/archives/2007/11/feric.php

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Haseform Modellfiguren:

http://www.notcot.com/archives/2007/11/haseform_modell.php

"Haseform Modellfiguren" are my second favorite band, right after Geneva Sound System.

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"At this moment, your bum is completely exposed..."

http://www.ibelieveinadv.com/2007/12/jes-jeans-bum/

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Adorable miniature modern furniture, perfect for your favorite bambini:

http://think.bigchief.it/articles/2007/11/28/heirloom-furniture/

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The iBox is a handcrafted sound system for iPods...you can choose type of wood, colors and accessories:

http://www.ictblog.it/index.php?/archives/3167-iBOX-Straordinariamente-bello.html

Want, want, want.

(I'm very tempted to change "Affluenza" to "Straordinariamente Bello.")

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"Hey, cool Vespa!"

http://www.gap.com/browse/home.do?cid=38615

"Thanks...I got it at The Gap!"

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"Silicone rubber is cut by waterjet into an organic network of distorting ellipses."

http://n-e-r-v-o-u-s.com/shop/product.php?code=3

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Crispin & Basilio's hooded half-blazer. Yes, you read that right:

http://www.aerluxe.com/crbabl.html

I can't decide if I really like this, or if I'm just TOTALLY IN LOVE with that model.

"You must not be over-gentle, Johnny, but promise you'll not be too terribly
rough with me..."

"Ha ha. No!"

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For the exterior of the Kansas City library parking lot, residents were asked to nominate books that represent the city. The winning nominations were turned into a giant bookshelf:

http://deputy-dog.com/2007/11/30/can-you-spot-the-library/

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Wants For Sale: two artists paint pictures of things they want, then sell the paintings for the price of the item.

http://www.wantsforsale.com/

Justin Gignac, one of the two artists, collects New York City trash in iPod-like packaging he sells to art collectors, in some sort of inevitable endpoint of the Western fine art tradition:

http://www.nycgarbage.com/home.html

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Brocade Home is offering 15% off any order between 11/30 thru 12/23. Enter discount code XBHA at checkout to get the discount.

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Why do I get the feeling that, of all the things I've featured this week, you guys are gonna be most excited by this mini-donut maker?

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/sku5086442/index.cfm

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An Open Flame Is The New Bowl Of Rocks, honorable mention:

http://www.sprinz.eu/index.php?Heizung_Supratherm_&vl=688

(It's a radiant heater with a printed photograph of a fire on the screen.)